What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
12.06.2025 11:12
I had hoped to write a book about this .
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
What did i know ?
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One cannot live in the past .
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Have you experimented with bestiality?
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Has your wife made you a cuckold?
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Put me off passion for life!!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Why does my ex boyfriend do this?
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
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My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
What do you like about McDonald's?
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
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My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
What are some ballbusting stories?
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
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Comes on , in middle age.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I write beautiful poetry .
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My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
What does pompano fish taste like?
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Can you show pictures of your penis, big or small?
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
My family never makes their pension either.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
My life is so biszare .
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
But ive been too sick for many years..
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Why did i forgive my father ?
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
He resisted the act ,that day.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I will be 64.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I couldn’t, believe it.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Would this be the day?
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
She wouldn,t have been !
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
But, we were locked up after school.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Im still living with it.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
(And it was in our own minds.)
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I don,t even have a pension.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
She loved him until the end.
Especially a lifetime of it.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I could never make a relationship work though!
I was seconnd youngest,
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Ive learnt so much.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I said to her
And who doesn’t know suffering?
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
But it wasn’t much.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
It was going to be , some day.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
She was in good health!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I think the readers, may guess!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I was scared of men, in general
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
As i do to all so called friends.?
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
All the time i was locked up.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Was to survive, this bastard.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
She found it foreign!.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I was very sick at this time too.
This is soul school!.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
We were not on the streets..
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I have no regrets .
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
He knew the spot.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
So, i spoilt her more .
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
We all went to grammer schools
She married twice! .
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
And i lived it daily.
I was 9 years of age.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
He was dying to do it , i knew.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
When she asked me how she looked .
Who then, do I blame.?
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I waited trembling.
So whats the point in blame.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.